; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
