Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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