He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
