I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
