My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My balls are so social today.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
