quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
