Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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