Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
