11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
