Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
