I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
