how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
