I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
