If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
