I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
