i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
