will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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