I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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