That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
