somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
