is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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