i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
