WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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