i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
