My nipple is on Facebook.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
