she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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