Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
