If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
