apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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