i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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