I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
