did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Porn is love you can see.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
