he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
