You smell like stripper and shame
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
