here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
