I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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