I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
