this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
