Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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