I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
