tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
