Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
