I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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