Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
