hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
