I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
