shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think I won the penis lottery.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
