Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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