You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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