It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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