STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
