I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
