We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
