whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
