You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
